A Simple Request

I sent a simple email request out to my brothers, (Chris, Matt, and Jon) about making sure they got their tux info in on time. One little email spiraled out of control. A few things you should know up front, first, my mother worships the ground my niece Erin walks on and will do ANYTHING she asks. Second, my brother Matt fathoms the idea of wearing anything that exposes his legs. Even in 100 degree weather, Matt will wear pants. Third, Jonathan is extremely persistent when he wants something, especially when he knows it will upset Matt.

Lights, camera, action…

Me: Just a reminder, the tux order has to be in by Feb 12th.
Chris: I am wearing a kilt. Screw the tux.
Me: Please don’t.
Jon: I am down with the kilts. We will boycott the measurements until you give the green light.
M: No! Dad will want to wear one and I'm not going there. His basal cell legs can hide behind black :)
J: Listen, dad is pretty geeked up about this wedding and we all know what happened when he gets excited. So there is a pretty good chance he'll lose his pants at some point in the night. Kilts. Accept it.
M: Jon, you have a very good point, but no. I stand strong on this.
C: Let’s start our own version of the Egyptian demonstrations! We will not hide behind the shroud of black pant tyranny!!!
M: No. Please just get the tuxes measured.
C: Boys, The line has been drawn in the sand. It’s time to shore up our solidarity on wearing Kilts!!!
M: No.
J: (now texting me) Come on! Matt in a kilt. I’m all for this now. Seriously, can we make this happen?
M: I’m not sure. I’m on the edge.
J: How about after photos, for reception only? Actually, no. Matt needs to do the reading in a kilt.
M: There is a change of plans. Matt’s head usher now and is walking mom down the aisle.
J: Then Chris and I are the only ones who have to nut up in public. I say let’s do it.
M: No.
J: Why not? Just curious?
M: Because I just don’t want you guys in kilts. I would like tuxes.
J: The day goes so fast, it’ll be the least of your worries. Matt in a kilt doesn’t intrigue you at all?
M: Well slightly.
J: It'll be awesome. It really would. Don’t be mom, let go of tradition. Let go.
M: No.
J: I can feel that you want to say yes. Listen, we’ll be down low all day. It won’t be a distraction or take away from you or George. Promise.
M: No. I’m good.
J: You are missing a golden opportunity.
M: I think I’ll be okay.
J: Go back to "on the edge” and reconsider.
M: I’ll talk to G.
J: So you’re telling me there is a chance…
M: No, I’m saying I’ll talk to George.
J: Explain to G that Matt has skinny legs.
M: That’s not going to help sell him on the idea.
J: So hold off on the measurements tonight?
M: Um, no. I would still get them.
J: Can you at least respond to the email chain saying you will talk to George.
M: Fine. (I then write to the group, “Let me talk to my VP, George”).
J: You are getting a small glimpse of what Amber deals with every day when I want something.
M: I don’t know why she is still with you.
J: Slim pickings on dudes in Wilmington I guess. Wait, Chris just emailed me and told me not push it, get the tux. You win. No fun!! Now Chris is saying he knows mom is definitely not for it. So I told him to have Erin tell mom that she wants her daddy to wear a kilt.
M: I guess we will be having kilts after all then.

Two Hours Later:

Jonathan calls to inform me he convinced Matt that everyone is wearing kilts and to only order a jacket, tie, and shirt. I begged him to please make sure he ordered pants. Jonathan’s response, “I’ll see what I can do, but I can’t promise anything.”